I think you could walk into nearly any college dorm room in America occupied by three or more guys and find a copy of Super Smash Bros. in at least two-thirds of them. From the original to Melee to Brawl, it’s been a staple of friendly (or not so friendly) competition. Matches are short, the rules are simple, and the game is fun as hell.
When I started college back in 2010, I moved in to a suite full of five other freshmen. We were all cordial, talked about our classes and goals, explored the campus together, but we really weren’t pals yet. One week later, when we finally purchased a TV for the suite, we broke out a copy of the N64 Smash Bros. and, within a few hours, we were laughing, cursing, and playing as if we’d been lifelong friends. There’s just something about the comedic adrenaline rush that comes with watching Pikachu beat down Captain Falcon with a big dumb hammer.
Let’s skip forward a couple years. Throughout 2018, press release after press release confirmed that the upcoming entry, Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, was going to be just that: ultimate. Every character was returning, classic stages were resurrected, and special attention was being given to the balance of the game. This was gonna be the big one!
It’s now been about a year and a half since the game has been out and I have maybe forty-five hours in the game. Sure, I don’t play it as much as I played Brawl because I’m a grown up with grown up responsibilities, my friends are scattered around the country with schedules of their own, and time is at a premium these days anyway.
But the game also feels less fun.
In the decade between Brawl’s release in 2008 and Ultimate’s in 2018, eSports have blown up. Tournaments, sponsorships, leagues, and tiers all makeup a large part of the conversation surrounding Smash Bros. It’s become an industry unto itself and I’m certainly happy that this new form of entertainment and competition has exploded in my lifetime.
But the game also feels less fun.
From the very first Nintendo Direct featuring Ultimate, it was clear that director Masahiro Sakurai loved the proliferation of eSports and that the newest installment needed to be a contender. That’s not to say that previous entries were poorly balanced, but this game needed to be tight. Hitboxes, damage ratios, recovery, recoil…all of these elements were tweaked, playtested, tweaked, playtested, again and again, all in service of delivering a product that was going to have a long life in the competitive market.
When I turned on the game and jumped into my first match, I discovered that the AI in this game was tough. In Brawl, I would usually play against bots at a difficulty level of 7 or 8, depending on the number of fighters. Here I was in Ultimate however, getting my ass handed to me. Surely I was just out of practice, right? Over the next few weeks, I continued to play, unlocking my standard characters (Peach and Zelda) only to discover that, no, it wasn’t just me. The game had changed. My usual fool-proof dodges were no longer sure things, some of my favorite attacks had been weakened, and many of my standard strategies had to be thrown out. These decisions, when I looked at them logically, made sense. Some of my tactics in the past may have been a bit too cheesy and I was being forced out of my comfort zone. I had to approaching this like a real fighter.
But I’m not a fighter.
I never fought for glory. I fought because it was always funny to see barrels roll down ramps and knock my friends off the map. I fought because it was fun to gang up on the guy who held the Assist Trophy so he would fall off a cliff before he could use it. I fought because I never knew what combination of swear words my buddy would string together after I stole the Smash Ball from under his nose. These things can all still happen...they still do happen just as often! But the game demands more from me in the interim. It expects me to pay more attention to the details, put forth that extra effort, and fight that extra bit harder.
But I’m not a fighter.
Maybe I’m just a filthy casual now? Maybe I’ve got to accept that I was never as into competitive games like this as I’d thought. Maybe those college years were just lightning in a bottle…a perfect blend of a lax environmental, youthful recklessness, and, I hate to say it, better hand-eye coordination. Maybe I’m just not one for the competition. Is this what growing up is?
My thesis statement, the idea that I’m “not built for competitive play,” immediately gets thrown out the window when you boot up Mario Kart. Immediately. There are few things in this world that will get my blood pumping faster than a Grand Prix.
For comparison, I bought Mario Kart 8 about a month or two before Ultimate. I have over a hundred hours into Mario Kart 8. In order to get a “Three-Star Gold” in a cup, you need to come in first place in every single race. I have Three-Star Golds in every single cup in every single difficulty. I have beaten every single staff time trial for every single track. I have a record for Rainbow Road that is in the top 95th percentile worldwide, per the Mario Kart 8 ghost upload data. I have friends who don’t want to play against me because they say it’s just not fun to watch me drive away, never to be seen again.
Yeah, I really like Mario Kart.
So what gives? Clearly I enjoy the competitive spirit of the game, since I continue to race against both bots and players. Clearly I haven’t “aged out” of my ability to handle split-second reactions and learn new mechanics. Clearly this isn’t a perfect storm of environmental factors, as I’ve been Mario Karting my whole life. Why am I complaining about the competitive nature of Smash while frothing at the mouth for a cutthroat round of Mario Kart?
Maybe I just suck at Smash but I’m good at Mario Kart.
Normally when I sit down to write one of these posts, I’m confident in my convictions. I’m ready to tell you that, yes, Metroid Prime IS a perfect game and that, yes, Breath of the Wild IS the best installment its franchise and that, yes, Steve DID ruin Dark Souls for me. But on this score, I’m not so certain. This is, truly, looking at an apple, then an orange, then studying the trees to determine if the trees have changed the way they make fruit or if I’ve just decided that I’ve secretly always loved orange juice more than apple juice.
Let’s keep these food metaphors going, shall we? I love to cook. From big holiday traditions to those weird little dishes you’re craving on the weekends, there’s something incredibly satisfying about crafting a meal from all these disparate ingredients nestled in the various corners of your kitchen. Sitting down and eating a beautiful dinner that you assembled is a reward unto itself.
But then you turn on a cooking show and think “Yeah, I’m never gonna do that.” Sure, you probably could go out and order all those fancy pieces of equipment and buy these specific ingredients you only use once and practice this weird technique that gives a dish its special flair. You could do all of those things, but you won’t. It’s just…not really worth it. Cooking isn’t your career, after all, it’s just an enjoyable little ritual you do when you’re hungry. There’s a ceiling to your hobby. The ceiling isn’t based on your skills or abilities, it’s just there because you know that there’s a point where you’re going to tap out. That’s fine; everyone has a ceiling on everything they do, and if you’re happy with where it is, then there are no problems.
I haven’t found the ceiling in Mario Kart yet. I’ve hit the ceiling for Smash Bros.
Mario Kart 8 isn’t a perfect experience for me. I think the lightning bolt is an overpowered item and I think the coins are a pretty big distraction to the game. But I still get it. I’m not afraid to try different character/car combinations and I always understand the nuance of what top-tier players are doing on Twitch streams. The game hasn’t moved beyond my understanding in the way that Ultimate has. I can’t watch a Smash Bros. tournament and keep up with the performances I’m seeing. These players have a ceiling much higher than mine. And that’s fine.
Maybe this is what growing up is. No, I can’t play every game. There will always be new releases that push their genres farther, but some may be pushed out of my reach in the process. At the end of the day, I don’t feel bad that I didn’t love the ultimate incarnation of Smash Bros. It’s made for another group of players whose brains are wired differently and whose priorities aren’t the same as mine and whose ceilings are a little bit higher. It’s okay that Smash Bros. isn’t for me.
Because I’ll still kick your ass in Mario Kart.
Post Script
I’ve played every console incarnation of Mario Kart. The first version I played was Mario Kart 64, as the SNES predates my time on Earth, and therefore the Nintendo 64 version is my favorite edition. Nostalgia is a son of a gun, isn’t it? That being said, Mario Kart 8 gets quite a bit of love from me, as do Wii and Double Dash. So here are my favorite levels from each of those games, with no particular thought given to the order in which they’re displayed below.
Mario Kart 64
Yoshi Valley is fantastic for its winding, multi-path structure. I have my route and you won’t convince me it’s not the fastest!
Wario Stadium looks bland, but has a whole lot of nuance. You better be good at your turns and jumps.
Royal Raceway is a beautiful map, but there’s some tight turns that you have to mind, lest you fall behind in the race. I’ve (happily) lost many friends to those waters.
Bowser’s Castle in this game is my favorite track to hold that name just for how weird it is. I love the laughing Thwomps!
Rainbow Road is actually much easier than any Rainbow Road from other games, which is why I love it. Very few hazards to get in your way of a good, clean race.
Mario Kart: Double Dash
Baby Park is anarchy and I love it. It’s a short circle, meaning shells, bananas, and bombs will be flying with reckless abandon.
DK Mountain is the equivalent of a roller coaster. Launch to the top at the beginning of the lap, then spend the rest of the race in a wonderful downhill sprint.
Peach Beach I like for no scientific reason other than, I don’t know, the aesthetic is very nice?
Yoshi Circuit is a giant island that is shaped like a Yoshi! It’s awesome! You better be good at your drifts, otherwise this track can be a nightmare.
Daisy Cruiser I also like for the aesthetic. You drive a few laps on multiple decks of a big cruise ship. Also the only Daisy level ever?
Mario Kart Wii
Maple Treeway is similar to DK Mountain, except this time in an adorable autumn setting. Who doesn’t love some fall décor?
Koopa Cape is a fantastic example of how items can change the way you play. Embracing the river rapids, or going your own way, are two very different, yet equally valid, strategies depending on the tools at your disposal.
Coconut Mall demonstrates how building a track around a “real world” setting can make the race incredibly engaging. Escalators, parking lots, and other factors feel natural, but force you to pay attention to your surroundings.
Toad’s Factory is similar to the previous entry for its “realistic” environmental challenges. Also the music slaps.
Mushroom Gorge is just sort of strange and I love it. I feels like a peculiar take on high fantasy, except in a world where Mario drives a go-kart.
Mario Kart 8
Electrodrome makes excellent use of the new Zero-G mechanic. Also, it’s a rave, which is hilarious.
Cloudtop Cruise grew on me. At first I found it to be clunky, but the different places this track takes you are a blast once you get the hang of them.
Hyrule Circuit is an Ocarina of Time themed level. With rupees instead of coins and a different jingle when you grab an item, it’s a fun change of pace.
Music Park is a DS remake track, but I never played the original, so this my first experience with the map. You just have to play this level to understand its appeal.
Thwomp Ruins isn’t a particularly challenging track, but it looks gorgeous and is a true exercise in nailing down your timing.
Rainbow Road (N64) is a remake of one of my favorite N64 tracks, so of course I’d love it. The new visuals are amazing, though I wish they didn’t cut down the lap requirement.
Royal Raceway (N64) is another remake of a favorite. It looks absolutely stunning, but doesn’t sacrifice those tight turns.
Yoshi Valley (N64) is another remake. It keeps the winding roads of the original, though some of the tweaks in structure mean I have a new preferred path….
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